Hate, Revenge, Frustrated, Lonely

Ntah kenapa perasaan ni masih tak hilang2 dalam diri utk kesekalian kali. Im lost and im drowning. And the most horrible thing is I was eaten up by my own feelings. Hello Cik Nazla, you should move on. Everyone is moving forward and why on earth you are still sitting in your comfort zone?!


Why should i regret? why should i frustrated? and why i couldnt even make up my mind and plan ahead? 2 weeks passed by and people keep moving forward. Aku? masih konon2 friendship forever. Asyik2 rasa bersalah je. Asyik2 rasa mcm aku menganiaya kawan aku sendiri. Padahal skang ni ade ke orang2 lain fikirkan utk aku?


Life is become meaner, full of hate, full of envy and full of selfishness in ourselves. Sampai kadang2 kita tak terpk apa orang lain akan rasa hasil dari tindakan atau keputusan yang kita dah tentukan. Ataupun yes aku tau org tu akan terasa hati, jauh hati, kecik ati bla bla tapi hell wit that. I am moving forward and i will fully utilized apa yang ada.


and apa jadi pada aku ni? Masih di takuk lama. Drowning and lost. Tak tahu nak mula dari mana. Tak tahu dengan siapa aku nak bertanya. Tak tahu pada siapa aku boleh percaya. Perkataan Friendship Forever tu rupa rupanya dah lama terhakis kan? Cuma aku je tak sedar. Ke aku sedar? Saje aku butakan mata, pekak kan telinga, keras kan hati? Konon2 bila kita buat baik, akan di balas baik.


I should move on. I deserve better than this and people dont deserve to treat me like I am not worth it. I should become stronger and tougher. bukan cengeng. sikit2 menanges. sikit2 mengadu pada Nadia. I knew Nadia pun dah letih dengar rungutan aku.


Looking at their faces, yes they already moved on. and yes i jealous. tipu la tak jealous kan? kadang2 tertanya apa kurangnya aku? Tapi bila pertanyaan cmni hadir dlm diri, bebalik aku akan rasa mcm im not worth it. Padahal i worked hard to achieve up to my current level. I WORKED REALLY HARD. But I cant be seen by others. thats the problem.


Life is unfair and im alone. sigh.